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<div style="padding: 5px;"><div align="center"><div style="color: #FF0066;"> <div class="h3"><br><br>Tuesday, December 01, 2009</div></div>
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<div style="clear:both;"></div>today is first of december! a good date and a brand new day! because...<br /><br />I HAVE FINALLY CHANGED MY EARRINGS OF 3 YEARS :D:D:D<br /><br />hahahhah, thank you limin, for bravely holding my 3 year old earrings between tissue papers and yanking it out, and hearing me scream like mad. and the earrings stunk and was damn gross by the way (: you are my saviour! next time i pluck earring out i will call you ok? you can charge me :D but thank you thank you, u were so amazing and brave and calm, if i were a boy i would fall in love with you right there and then. and wowwww :D<br /><br />thank you yunting for erm. well videoing it i guess. damn ugly la. i didn't know i could be so niang and so deh, and so grosssss. ewwww. so niang like ewwww. hahah i never want to be seen like that. haahahah. and thank you peiting for just sitting there, and giving evil comments about how there is something stuck in my ear -.-<br /><br />and yay! it didn't hurt at all, and it was easy to put in the earring :D im so happeeee, and so i decided to start my blog. peiting asked me to start a facebook account, but im not happy enough to do that. so mafan. who wants to start one for me? :D ahhahah<br /><br />but yes, it's still a stud, and i bet no one will notice i changed earrings (quote mingzhe: i didn't even know you wore earrings) but at least they are not dirty and smelly im very happy! and although this pair is likely to stay here for another three years, IM STILL HAPPY :D don't hope too much for prom, i think i will chicken out still hahahaha<br /><br />and peiting i dont know why ur face black black, if u see this, i love you :D i know you not happy we keep asking you to do bio instead of let u rest. but cos bio mcq is in two days, and we want you to do something, don't be angry :D<br /><br />can u see the happiness oozing out? OH YEAAAA. we took 5 mins for one ear and 1 min for the other haahahaa :D oh oh and yay i like this new layout, very clean and simple. haahh and it's not that easy to add in all the stupid html codes for comments, and signatures and posts and bla and arrange it okayyyyy. even though it looks damn simple. still, im a newbie :D and im proud of myself. i want ashes and wine as my blog song but the website doesnt provide it rawr.<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">(/edit) I DID IT. i figured out how to html code it in without breaking any copyright law WAHAHA. i feel quite dumb i didn't think of it earlier. -.-</span><br /><br />i like days like these, chilling out and slackng around at houses haha. ytd we did some gay dance in yunting's room, in preparation for noob clubbing. hahaah. we are going down and doing some chicken dance hahahaha. and we have clubbing dates in preparation to be rebellious kids. then again, i bet we are going to hate clubbing so it's going to be pointless.<br /><br />i think stocks are damn interesting, and i suddenly want to be a stock broker. so exciting right omg, but so stressful. actually cant i just stay in school? i think studying is damn fun. oh wells.<br /><br />yay and hotel room settled :D thank you scott!!! dont feel bad about the extra 40 we are damn grateful to you <3><p align="center"><a href="http://redflagsandlongnights.xanga.com/photos/659af248472525/" target="_blank"><span style="font-family:Century Gothic;"><img style="border-width: 0px;" alt="78" src="http://x65.xanga.com/9afe16e166432248472525/z191319744.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></p><div style="clear:both; padding-bottom:0.25em"></div><br></div><br>
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Hihihi char!!!! Nice new layout :D love the ending picture thing :DDD welcome! Your earrings really damn gross eeeeeee hehehe at least I've repaid you for all the times I ate at your house hehe. Hope peiting is not angry at us :( jiayou jiayou for bio!!!
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By <span style="line-height:16px" class="comment-icon anon-comment-icon"><img src="http://www.blogger.com/img/anon16-rounded.gif" alt="Anonymous" style="display:inline;" /></span> <span class="anon-comment-author">Earring saviour</span>, at
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<p></div><div style="padding: 5px;"><div align="center"><div style="color: #FF0066;"> <div class="h3"><br><br>Sunday, October 04, 2009</div></div>
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<div style="clear:both;"></div>just did something i've been putting off for months. but sad to say, i couldnt make myself finish doing it.<br /><br />but just for that moment, i felt free just FREE. and it really feels great. it felt like the time when i watched my birthday video and i was all like FUCK TREE. ahahahahahaaa, awesome. maybe because of that moment of freedom from my shackles i felt REBORN. and so is the blog haha. (-edit- i freaked out, am not putting the blog back on yet!)<br /><br />i dont think i want anything, or that i feel the same way i did. i'm just bu gan xin i guess. that it turned out this way. and i wasn't the MOJOJO (ha yen) who destroyed the world, but one of the pathetic little victims. and yes, wo bu gan xin. id gladly carry the name of a bitch than be in this unhappy state.<br /><br />SO UNFAIR. i'd rather be evil than nice REALLY. id rather be as selfish, and only consider my own happiness and goals. and be responsible to myself only. but sadly it just isn't the way it works for me.<br /><br />BY THE WAY. can people just stop talking about ris low? yesterday we went to b n j and there was this band (whose singing kind of sucked i think we wanted to just go there and take the mic for our own) who just kept going ON AND ON AND ON about ris low. about how this song should be dedicated to ris and how it should be called boohmz BLA BLA.<br /><br />okay the news is just SO OLD. so move on and get a life. it's obvious that there's nothing else in your brain and i secretly bet your english is just as bad so you poke fun at here to feel a bit better at yourself. GO AWAY. and to be honest, i think she's really quite to be pitied, especially with the media just making fun of her every few seconds. ergh. sometimes i wonder, so much for the yellow ribbon project and helping ex offenders.<br /><br />but ok circumstances right? rolls eyes. so don't believe the newspapers and all the denial and all. the media. gosh the media. hate them but you love them.<br /><br />whatever la, just get on with it and let her live her life ok. not that it isn't ruined much already.<br /><br />STOOPS. eat shit and die everybody.<br /><span><span><strong><br /></strong></span></span>PEOPLE TALK. IT'S EASY.<div style="clear:both; padding-bottom:0.25em"></div><br></div><br>
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<p></div><div style="padding: 5px;"><div align="center"><div style="color: #FF0066;"> <div class="h3"><br><br>Saturday, September 26, 2009</div></div>
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<div style="clear:both;"></div>breakdown.<br /><br />im so scared.<div style="clear:both; padding-bottom:0.25em"></div><br></div><br>
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<p></div><div style="padding: 5px;"><div align="center"><div style="color: #FF0066;"> <div class="h3"><br><br>Wednesday, September 23, 2009</div></div>
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<div style="clear:both;"></div>have you had that moment where you looked for significance in the smallest of things? where a name in a book, a particular number in your phone, a certain habit that seems to shout out to you and make you draw some obscure links to the things in your life?<br /><br />it's hope isn't it? helping you find security and faith in the mundane things that what is happening isn't merely a dream, but it's something that even nature seems to signal that it is true too?<br /><br />how naive can we be.<img src="file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/acer/My%20Documents/My%20Pictures/Screensaver/snapple.jpg" alt="" /><br /><br />i binge when im sad. i think i found out recently. to the extent where i dont really know what im doing and i walk out of lot 1 with lots of food somehow. that's quite scary sometimes.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style=";font-family:Tahoma;font-size:85%;" ><img style="border-width: 0px;" alt="post-secret" src="http://xdd.xanga.com/2e713a1360433236474860/z166034139.jpg" width="320" /></span></span><span></span><br /><br />mainly, i realised that revenge is sweet. but only for a really short while.<br />and it doesn't last. and like they say in drama shows and books, you really do feel sort of empty inside. (even if your revenge wasn't intentional)<br /><br />and that i'd give up all that revenge hatred satisfaction for how things were before.<br /><br /><img style="width: 486px; height: 323px;" src="http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/snapple.jpg" title="Sn = tin" alt="Snapple" /><br />CHEM SUCKED. thought it was easy but that was just cos apparently i didnt see any of the traps that had set for us ):<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">i wont ever really get over.</span><br />would i?<div style="clear:both; padding-bottom:0.25em"></div><br></div><br>
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<p></div><div style="padding: 5px;"><div align="center"><div style="color: #FF0066;"> <div class="h3"><br><br>Tuesday, September 01, 2009</div></div>
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<div style="clear:both;"></div>saw a picture, hahahahahah we used to be so cute :) reminded me of the time i stared at my phone, looked up, saw you and burst out laughing :) i guess this is just one of those things that you put inside a box and move on. i hope i made a difference still :D<br /><br />It's been a while, it's been a while<br />Since you've said hi<br />It's been a while, it's been a while<br />Since our last goodbye<br />It's been a while, it's been a while<br />And I still haven't cried<br />I'm surprised<br /><br />I haven't called, I haven't called<br />You see, I've been strong<br />You haven't called, you haven't called<br />I guess nothing's wrong<br />God called, He called<br />Says it's going to be okay<br />It's for His glory<br /><br />So live your life and do what you got to<br />It's only at night when I really miss you<br />But the morning comes<br />Bringing a new day and everything seems to start over again<br /><br />Have you been good?<br />Have you been great?<br />Most likely<br />I've been good, I've been great<br />Just keeping busy<br />And we should since as of late<br />Time just passes by<br />We don't even have to try<br /><br />So live your life and do what you got to<br />It's only at night when I really miss you<br />But the morning comes<br />Bringing a new day and everything seems to start over again<br /><br />One day you'll see<br />One day you'll know me as the girl that you let go<br />It was, so close, almost<br /><br />So live your life and do what you got to<br />It's only at night when I really, really miss you<br />But the morning comes<br />The morning comes<br /><br />but not everything can be put away so easily as others. maybe it's just time, after all. or maybe it's just the inherently different relationships.<br /><br />if only it could be simple? there's this impulsive little being growing inside of me (i swear it started growing in RJ, i thought i killed it in RG) that just wants to say TO HELL WITH IT. and do whatever i want to, regardless of all my Confucianistic mindsets and my pride, and like get everything off my chest. i still think it's stupid to be this way, i dont see why no one sees it like i do!! hmm, then again, maybe i just overestimate my importance in people's lives. at least i know one of them doesnt care. idiots.<br /><br />i miss taking drama, i really do think it was an outlet for my emotions at one point or another, it was so good when you did those shouting exercises and then you just release those anger at the same time. so nice when you did stupid things with the world and so no one judged you, or at least, you couldn't give a damn what people taught. i remember when i was p3 and my teacher said, "charlene, where is your boldness? you used to be able to do this so freely!" and i felt this pang of sadness, and i think till today i still wonder what made me so self conscious.<br /><br />children mould, fast, when they are young. i wonder what i'll do to mine.<br /><br />HEE HEE HEE. <br /><br />ok psycho much. back to gp. ERGH.<div style="clear:both; padding-bottom:0.25em"></div><br></div><br>
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<p></div><div style="padding: 5px;"><div align="center"><div style="color: #FF0066;"> <div class="h3"><br><br>Friday, August 28, 2009</div></div>
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<div style="clear:both;"></div>thank you lao sai junior college for the earliest and absolutely awesome birthday celebration :D<br /><br />thank you for fufilling my birthday cake wish,<br />for taking note of little things like 11 11 and the fire hydrant that had 11 11 on it,<br />for even taking note of the timing so that i can make my 11 11 wish,<br />for having to plan this whole thing when you are supposed to be mugging<br />for blindfolding me and making me trip and stand in front of a garbage truck thingy<br />for panicking in the morning, calling up my friends and even my mom to make sure i went to school,<br />for folding the stars and making me fold my own present HAHA<br />but mainly, for being here in my 2 years, tolerating my eccentrics, my oversensitivity and mood swings, my annoyingness sometimes and being such great friends :D<br /><br />thank you thank you and im sorry for being cranky about coming to school ):<br /><br />I LOVE YOU! why didnt we take a group picture?<br /><br />:D<div style="clear:both; padding-bottom:0.25em"></div><br></div><br>
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<p></div><div style="padding: 5px;"><div align="center"><div style="color: #FF0066;"> <div class="h3"><br><br>Wednesday, August 19, 2009</div></div>
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<div style="clear:both;"></div>escapades with mingzhe are...<br /><br />time consuming.<br />financially draining.<br /><br />but fun HHAAHAHAHA. thank you :)<br /><br />BUT IT ISNT THE TIME TO HAVE FUN. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.<div style="clear:both; padding-bottom:0.25em"></div><br></div><br>
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<p></div><div style="padding: 5px;"><div align="center"><div style="color: #FF0066;"> <div class="h3"><br><br>Monday, August 17, 2009</div></div>
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<div style="clear:both;"></div>i chanced upon some pictures, and i wondered why i had this urge to just click on them and looked at them.<br /><br />and i smiled. but what a bittersweet feeling it was. you taught me that.<br /><br />we were happy, and it was unpretentious. it was real.<br /><br />i wonder why things turned out the way they were.<br /><br />look at how simple things used to be.<br /><br />im afraid.<br /><br /><br /><img style="width: 557px; height: 171px;" src="http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/schrodinger.jpg" title="There was no alt-text until you moused over" alt="Schrodinger" /><div style="clear:both; padding-bottom:0.25em"></div><br></div><br>
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<p></div><div style="padding: 5px;"><div align="center"><div style="color: #FF0066;"> <div class="h3"><br><br>Saturday, August 15, 2009</div></div>
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<div style="clear:both;"></div>today someone asked me what it meant if someone was indifferent to you.<br /><br />hahaha. and i was just thinking, im kind of the worst person you should ask this. <br /><br />but ya, i never knew and never will i guess. there are some people you just never will dare to ask, some people you dont care enough to ask, some people who dont tell you when you ask and some people who'll hurt you. <br /><br />haha but it was interesting though xP i thought of some people and i was reminded of someone. and i realised i never ever did try to ask that person what happened, neither did i try to hold on and work things out in that sense. i just decided that since it was such, then goodbye. <br /><br />then i realised, and understood the difference between then and now. (or maybe it was just because it felt weird to ask that person that. hahaha)<br /><br />but i guess i grew, and sometimes when you just step out of the whole picture and look at it, you realise how childish we are. how simple things are if both parties are willing to put in effort and put down their pride. or how simple things are if we could just accept facts the way they are without second guessing or hoping. <br /><br />sometimes i wonder if hope is really that beneficial. keeping us happy with delusional dreams that will never become reality. <br /><br />as jc draws to an end, i somehow find myself getting more and more lonely. perhaps it's the thing about growing up, where you attempt to be more independent, where you become more guarded for fear that someone may come along and hurt you again. <br /><br />i do care, sometimes i wonder why some people take me for granted. it speaks from the little actions. talk is cheap. you just say and say. but when the time comes and your intuitive reaction speaks the most about whether you care or not. <br /><br />it's not only hurting, it decreases your self worth. and so my pride takes care of it. so who can blame me for being proud and acting indifferent when that is my only defense mechanism? <br /><br />i aint going over this time. if you arent coming, then so be it.<br /><br />AND WHERE DID MY WORKSHEETS GO!!!!!<br /><br />***<br /><br />can't help thinking about it. how im trying to not make contact with you for fear that you might tell me something i dont want to hear at all. and when you do call, you never seem to notice that anything's the matter. then again, you never do and i never show. <br /><br />and i hate the feeling of being taking for granted, no matter how many times you say you dont. just cos other people have issues with you and theirs always seem to be more important cos im always here, so im always easily solved and easy to push aside.<br /><br />i dont really know why it always happens to you. but it just does.<div style="clear:both; padding-bottom:0.25em"></div><br></div><br>
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<p></div><div style="padding: 5px;"><div align="center"><div style="color: #FF0066;"> <div class="h3"><br><br>Friday, August 14, 2009</div></div>
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<div style="clear:both;"></div>my dad is cool like that :D<br /><br />thank you dad,<br />for lugging home a pile of resumes for me to reference (which i didnt use in the end haha)<br />for spending 3 hours sitting in front of my resume and helping me make it sound more cheem<br />for painstakingly write the 40 plus page numbers of my portfolio<br />and for tolerating my random outbursts of indignation when you said that i did something wrongly (hahahah inherited that from you xp)<br /><br />thank you thank you :D while i study bio late into the night again AHHH.<br /><br />and that is mingzhe's fault for making me stressed over my lack of revision. omg i dont even want to think about it, i think i'll just die.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;">Yen Yen says:<br />i would say put follow your heart<br />cos dancing men is for gay times<br />and i can dance for you<br /></div><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;">:D thank you <3<br /></div><br />ok virus bacteria at 1a.m. COME ON.<div style="clear:both; padding-bottom:0.25em"></div><br></div><br>
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<p></div><div style="padding: 5px;"><div align="center"><div style="color: #FF0066;"> <div class="h3"><br><br>Sunday, August 09, 2009</div></div>
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<div style="clear:both;"></div>it's seems so long since i last blogged, but in actual fact it's less than a month haha. but it's been a while since i've closed this down.<br /><br />it's been a month of evaluation, considering, early life crises and trying to understand myself and people around me.<br /><br />i never understood, and somehow everything still seems wrong. it's expectations. like how i always expect those whom i love and trust to protect me some how. to stand by my side and go against those who hurt me truly and deeply. <br /><br />but somehow, such expectations are illogical but maybe not irrational. it's demanding and unfair. but yet, is it wrong to have such expectations? to watch the people you love fraternizing with the enemy (as Ron so aptly put in Harry Potter). to watch them laugh and play, while at the same time wondering how they can openly still be friends with someone who hurt you so deeply and so badly. wondering why no one saw the darkness you saw, no one understood the pain you felt. <br /><br />or cared about you enough to protect you naturally, unconditionally.<br /><br />i understand the circumstances but understanding and accepting are different. how do i explain that what hurts me is not that person. but seeing that person pull my friends over.<br /><br />why is your life so much better than mine. that even though you did all the things you did, but i'm the one who had to back out, who had to avoid common areas so that we wouldnt meet. that you still could live your life as it was. and not even feeling a tinge of guilt. and why dont you even have the decency to stay away, and to stop offering me a glimpse of your happy life with my friends. <br /><br />i want you to hurt as badly as i hurt.<div style="clear:both; padding-bottom:0.25em"></div><br></div><br>
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<p></div><div style="padding: 5px;"><div align="center"><div style="color: #FF0066;"> <div class="h3"><br><br>Tuesday, July 14, 2009</div></div>
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<div style="clear:both;"></div>sometimes you just have no control over ur emotions. you say one thing, you know it, but it takes a lot to do it. so what if i know my problem is about self esteem and not about others, so what if i know it is not worth it.<br /><br />if only i could vent all my anger and displeasure out. it's so unfair. people come along, take a piece of you and leave you behind, broken and left to fend for yourself.<br /><br />and they move on fine. fuck them.<br /><br />FUCK YOU ALL.<div style="clear:both; padding-bottom:0.25em"></div><br></div><br>
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